Insecurity in relationship.

What is Insecurity in Relationship?.

Insecurity in relationship is when you feel your position is under threat and consider your spouse as having an advantage over an issue in your relationship or you feel your position in the relationship is under threat due to perceived or presumed advantage of the other in the relationship.

Such feeling usually evokes the fight or flight mode in the individual .The human instinct naturally feels under threat hence invokes a reaction which most times becomes counterproductive and damaging to the relationship.    

The perceived threat could emanate from  almost anything and any source including and not limited to individual  background and life experiences such as one of the spouses been financially buoyant,better job and prospect, or perceived physical appearance.Reaction to this form of  insecurity is purposely for self-preservation.

It  is therefore not enough to discard or dismiss this expression of insecurity with religious battering but rather acknowledge and address it even if the espouse expressing this form of insecurity can barely perceive or acknowledge it.

It must be acknowledged, talked about and both parties profering a solution to solution that will bring about mutual in the relationship.

Furthermore, although occasionally these insecurities border on delusion and are therefore baseless with no basis in the reality of the relationship,couples who are insecure  draw their experiences from the past or made up threat.

So a couple  could be secured and work in unison in some areas but could be having the feeling  of insecurity in others.

The feeling is a personal construct ie it  is specific to the individual, or socio-cultural construct. For example if the socio-cultural values dictates that a man is expected  to earn more or be financially buoyant than his wife or spouse, if for any reason the reverse is the case, the man would feel insecure.

There following are various types of insecurities that affect many homes:

  • Emotional insecurity.
  • Financial :good and paying job, inheritance etc.
  • Social insecurity;  appearance [ beautiful or handsome], cultural differences [language, skin colour,  family background such one from a wealthy family.
  • Biological: health problem, age advantage[ one is younger or older].

Causes.

  • Previous life experiences; having been exploited cheated or seen similar in people close to you.
  • Cultural experiences.
  • No cause
  • Wrong information or behaviour resulting in wrong thinking.  “As a man thinketh in his mind so he is.” (Philippians 4:8)
  • Social and cultural imbalance; in relationship and not addressed or talked about.
  • Not perfected in love for one another.  Love does not think evil of the other.

Signs

Recognising insecurity in ourselves and our spouses; Extreme  concern for insignificant event eg coming late from work , checking phone calls and messages of your spouse.

  • Unduly Suspicious
  • Rage
  • Unreasonable actions  such as accusing your spouse of has not happened
  • Unchristian behaviour that is unexpected of the individual.
  • Inappropriate response to conversation with spouse.
  • Touchy over minor events in the home.
  • Inappropriate and unexpected actions  that would be difficult for others to comprehend except  and until the individual express the reason behind his/her action

 

Self-test for insecurity

  1.  How much uncertainty can I cope with in this marriage?
  2. How far can I allow my spouse to be close to  the opposite sex?
  3. Do I feel my spouse has undue edge over me in this relationship?

    If the answer any or all of the above questions is yes then you need to do something about it. Insecurity is a family destroyer.

 

Dealing with insecurity in our spouse and self.  

 

  • Trust Christ for your life, home and all other things. When you perceive or you feel or think that your home is under threat the answer is Christ not flesh or senses. Your home is of Christ, founded by Him and for Him. Let him know your concern even before you speak to your spouse. He may tell in dreams or vision or the word of God. And you will feel reassured.Casting all concern on the Lord for he cares for you and all that you care about. He may be having an affair the lord would arrest him by himself.

 

  • Openness in marriage: Talk about it.Keep no secret from your spouse that can arouse his or her suspicion e:g. Bank account, mobile phone messages, password on personal messages.

 

  • Genuine love for God and believing in His Love for oneself is the greatest antidote for the  feeling of insecurity in relationship. You will be able to say that even if my spouse threatens my position the Lord will protect and preserve me.

You can enjoy your home.

Couples Koinonia 2018