Many years ago,I used to interpret the saying ”Marriage is not for small boys” to mean small boys in terms of of age , until i visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked, so what is the secret of your 47 years in marriage?Beaming, she retorted;My son,the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success.I Married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me,but with time,my patience yielded result of houses cars ,taking care of our children and all that.
You see,if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house,she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home.If you make the him unhappy,you make the house uncomfortable.So I married without expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always.Yes , for the past 47 years,I would be the first to get up in the morning and the last to go to bed.I bath the children,do devotions with them,prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath.I iron his clothes that he would take to work,kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours.
I asked my old woman ,so then what does the man do in return?She laughed heartily and replied ;you see,this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage.YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER ,THIS IS WRONG!
When it becomes your attitude to only please your husband or wife always,the other person responds naturally.Indeed,if nothing touches the palm tree,it doesn’t rattle.She continued , my son,never carry ”how rich or poor your family is” into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman.Love only compels or leads would-be couples into marriage but it doesn’t sustain marriages.Rather understanding,patience,communication and most importantly forgiveness sustains every marriage.High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriage. Sometimes you hear,i want to marry a mother, a business partner,God fearing person etc.You cannot get all your expectations in one person.With time and depending on your relationship ,you may get some.So minimise your expectations in marriage,.
To cut the long story short,as too many cooks spoil the broth,she concluded on the mistakes a couples should resist at all cost in marriage:
1.Never say you have made your husband or wife somebody from nobody.It hurts.God only used you as an agent for transformation,give the glory to God.
2.Let the man be the head of the home no matter the financial ,economic ,physical and emotional health situation prevailing in the the couple’s life whilst the woman exercises diligence in the use of the tongue.
3. Having children should not be the ultimate objective in marriage.They are given to enhance your marriage.When God delays in giving you a child,have every reason to live a happy marital life.
4.Sex is a major morale booster after a hard days stressful life.Try to be sexual beings an not ”Angels” in that marriage.
5.Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes.
6. Let the women ”Make up thier characters much more than they make up their body.
Indeed,marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive,demand everything speedily,lack the patience to wait,have so many friends etc.
Make effort to let that marriage work and may God help us.