GROWING APART IN MARRIAGE

hat couples usually mean when they say ‘we grew apart’ is that one partner changed and the other didn’t. This often results in different life choices/pursuit including spiritual things.[hobbies, friends, interest, etc] Hence Christian couples can equally grow apart. A common expression is “am in a relationship but feels single”. It is no 1 reason for divorce.

Possible causes of growing apart

The pursuit of business or career Turbulence of relationship Newly Self discovery Natural/ biological causes e.g. age/ illness Different exposure to life events after marriage

How to recognize it

Different interest {newly found} including spiritual things Getting on each other’s nerve Feels comfortable without him or her. Spending more time outside the home environment. Confidant outside your spouse

Be reassured that it is not uncommon with almost all marriages.

What to do

Acknowledge the problem Don’t begrudge each other; face the reality of the change Talk to each other on the perceived or real change Real intimacy is based on the quality of communication Don’t go through the easier way out (i.e. pull further apart) Both should be ready to change and work through it

Let us make an effort to do something for our marriage each day. Questions to ask

Are we spending enough time together to nurture our friendship and have fun? Are we addressing practical areas of money, family needs, home and ministry? Are we in a major life transition or a tough circumstance? (some have said, “[My husband] and I often look at one another and say, ‘It’s not you; it’s not me; it’s life!’ Am I desiring to be with my mate—and do we have time each week to be lovers? Are we each walking with Jesus so He can speak to our hearts? Are we avoiding obvious marriage killers: drugs, drinking, shopping addiction, gambling, porn, affairs and so on? Are we praying together?

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