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How To Spice Up Your Marriage

It’s easy as a married couple to fall into a rut. Routines make homes function smoothly, but they are counterproductive if they define your physical relationship. Whether boredom is currently an issue, or you’re just trying to improve, here are 9 ways to spice up a Christian marriage.

Start with authentic love as the foundation for romance

““Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “ ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.””‭‭ Matthew‬ ‭22:36-40‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Everything we do should build off of this love. It seeks the best for the other person, whether that is a yes, or a no. When something is harmful, selfish, or unbiblical, it is love that draws a line. Naturally, this same love says yes as much as possible, when that yes is in the best of the other, and the union.

2. Work through any underlying issues

Painful sex. Baggage from the past. Resentment. Selfishness. Whatever the issues, don’t let them win. If it hurts, see a doctor because there is usually something that can be done for that, and it shouldn’t hurt. For other physical difficulties, also consider talking with a doctor. There may be things you can do.

Consider therapy. Some Christians are down on psychology for good reason, but consider- the mind is God’s creation and the science of the mind belongs to Him. Of course it can be twisted and screwed up. In contrast, however, a Bible believing therapist can be a powerful tool for healing in the hands of God.

3. Be physical all day, but not only sexually

A lot of women and men too, need physical touch throughout the day, but not all sexual. If the only touch is sexual touch, it may make a stressed spouse feel even more stressed. Make sure there is plenty of non-sexual, caring, affectionate touch.

4. Work out together to bond as a couple

This can be powerful, and it works on a biological level. Exercise produces feel-good hormones and when couples exercise together, the brain naturally associates these good feelings with the other person. Basically you are promoting bonding on a chemical level by exercising together.

I frequently recommend Pilates, because it is mind-body exercise, and it makes you stronger, more stable, and more mobile, all at once. Most of the time, I come out of Pilates feeling better than when I started, and honestly the studio I go to is my happy place. At the time of this writing, I’m in quarantine, and it’s one of the things I miss the most. If price is an issue, there are often ways for couples to train together, or group classes you can take.

5. Plan for sex and don’t be afraid to schedule it

Scheduled sex doesn’t have to be boring. It can give the lower libido spouse time to “warm up” mentally. If you are struggling as a couple to ever get around to it, then consider planning for it in advance, and then work up to it. And there’s nothing that says a schedule can’t be adjusted… just don’t make a habit of it.

6. Laugh together

I happen to think this is one of the particularly important ones. If you seldom laugh together, you’re taking life a little too seriously. Of course I am not talking about times of grief or global pandemic, but generally, if you aren’t laughing sometimes, you aren’t having enough fun. You’ll never get to the end of your life together and regret the times you’ve shared in laughter. You may regret the absence of it. Enjoy life!

7. Play together to add spice

This goes hand-in-hand with the last one. Whether it’s board games, tag, tennis, swimming, basketball, horseback riding, knife/hatchet throwing, dancing, Karate class, or Nintendo… find something you both enjoy and play it together. If you are so different that you can’t find one thing that you both enjoy, then take turns. Make it work just like you’d teach your kids to do.

8. Make your bedroom a special place

Keep the TV out. Leave the finances in the office. Fight in the basement. Eliminate excess clutter. The bedroom should, as much as possible, be a place you both enjoy being. Some people decorate with a beach theme or mountain getaway. We like a spa atmosphere. If this appeals to you too, check out our Romantic Spa Bedroom Ideas.

9. Get even more ideas to spice up sex

You’ve had a sneak peek at some of our ideas already. You’ll get even more here with our awesome free gift to you of 20 tips to make sex more fun! We like to here your thoughts too! In fact, it helps us. How do you add spice? What areas of struggle do you face? Do you have any questions about marriage and/or sex? Share in the comments below, or respond to an email from us after you sign up for a freebie. Don’t worry, you can always unsubscribe and we honor that.

Joy to you!


Brad and Melanie

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