There Is No Manual For Marriage.What works for one might not work for another.
I was in high spirit beaming with smiles and looking forward to my D-Day. A day all parents look forward to with smiles and underlining fear but prayerfully hoping that all goes well. My dad sat in a corner with his guests from far and near talking about the various political happenings in the country while my Mum made last minute supervision of all the sleeping arrangements of guests who had arrived and were dozing of in the armchairs and dining chairs in the living room and outside.
Just as i was about to jet off with a couple of friends for my hotel from where i will be leaving for the wedding venue the following day,my mum sent my junior brother to call me although I could hear her asking about my whereabouts from my best man who went to say goodbye for the night."Tell Seyi to see my before he leaves". Thinking she was about to warn me not to get to church late or get carried away in the euphoria of the night by getting drunk,I pretended that i didn't hear her.As I made to sneak into my car, Seyi! Seyi!! She called out. At this point I could no longer feign deafness or pretend i didn't see her as she was walking fast towards my car from the rear of the house.Oh Mum,I said in a pretentious voice.
Can I See you for a few minutes before you leave? Grudgingly I answered in the affirmative.
That's fine Mum i replied as I jumped out of the car excusing myself from my friends who were also disappointed that our planned fun for the night was going to be delayed for a few more minutes.I followed her as she made for her room and there she sat me down.
Looking straight into my eyes she said, Mummy’s boy, you are now a man. Tomorrow you will have a new mother, a new cook and a new person to share all your secrets with. It will no longer be me but her. Love your new mum even more than you love me. Before you walk into her arms forever, let me give you some words to guide you.
There and then she sat beside me as if to also say this may be the last time I will be sitting so close to you. Paused for a few minutes and then said,"There was a day I was arguing with your father. We were screaming, tempers were high. I was angry and He was angry. Then I called him an idiot! He was shocked,He looked at me asking how dare I call him that. Thereafter, I continued with more unprintable names that came to my head.Guess what he did? He looked at me in astonishment although with rage and anger, walked away banging the door .He didn’t raise his hands to hit me.
My Son, If your father had hit me and destroyed my eyes, how will you feel sitting here with me today? Will you regard him as your father? Would you have been proud of him or would you be blaming me for calling him names? To tell you the truth maybe there will be no more marriage between the two of us.
The bottom line here is that your wife is from a background very different from yours and it will take some time to actually understand her person even though you have dated for some time.The true test of your relationship will happen when you both live under the same roof.Tempers will occasionally run high,she will sometimes refuse to cook,clean or even say hello to you when you expect it.She might end up calling you unprintable names when she is angry but remember to never hit your wife! No matter the provocation just walk away and talk things over when you think she is a bit calmer.Issues bothering on your finances,health,friendship, religious beliefs and where you will live will definitely bring about conflict.It may be minor or serious conflict how both of you handle it will depend on what footing your relationship will stand.
Whenever she offends you, think of this story I just told you, it could have been your mum! After he left, I was filled with guilt. We slept on same bed that night and I went to him the next day.I pleaded with him, I did all I could to show am sorry and he forgave me. That day I cooked his favourite food of Pounded yam & Vegetable soup. After that incident, I never called him names again but my respect for him was ten times stronger.
Also, I want you to always defend your wife. When she is under pressure, stand by her. If your friends hate her, it is your duty to make them see her as a Queen. Some of your father's cousins and friends never liked me but your father was always supportive and never spoke ill of me.
There was a day your dad hosted some members of his Alumni.I was in the kitchen cooking for them and your father went to buy drinks. Finished cooking and set the table.It was not until when everyone had started eating that I remembered I did not add salt to the main course Saying I was embarrassed was an understatement. Your father tasted the food winked at me and immediately turned to the guests. He told them that he instructed me the previous month not to add salt whenever I cooked because of some medical condition. He said it in a way that was so funny that even I could not resist the laughter that erupted. He thereafter stood up to get the salt.
After the guest left,we could not but laugh it off over and over again as he asked God to forgive him for lying and that if ever the sin was ever written down,it should be under my name.
My Son she said,your wife is like a baby, sometimes she don’t know what to say or do. Stand up and speak for her!
Now let me talk to you about intimacy. You see intimacy is a wonderful thing. Do not be surprised if your wife enjoy and need it more than you do. There were days, I demanded for it more than your father and there were days he needed it more than me but the important thing is to always try to satisfy the each other when the need arises. Don’t always think of your self.
There was a time things were hard and I needed to do two jobs to support your father. One night I was so tired. When I got to bed he was in the mood. He attempted to make love to me and I didn’t refuse him. I was tired but I felt I needed to be there when he needed me.When he tried undressing me, he saw my look and he stopped. He asked what was wrong and I said nothing. But he understand me better. He stopped and then started telling me stories until I fell asleep.My son, Sex is best enjoyed when the two parties are physically and mentally ready for it.You need to study and understand you wife.
Make it a habit to go anywhere with your wife. Beside your job, move around with her. If you are invited to any occasion and advised not to bring your wife along,be wise and simply decline.
I know you love mummy… I know you will tell me all your problems. But now things will be different. Let your wife be the first to know before me. Let her be the first to see before me.
When you have problems with her don’t run to me immediately. Wait for a day to pass and then talk to her about it. Pray about it.
Report her to nobody but talk issues out within yourself.
Finally, don’t forget to pray and plan together.Be friend with Couples whose lifestyles you admire and not people whose lifestyle you do not pray for.
I know you will have a happy home.