t is a popular saying that money makes the world go around. But the Bible also says The LOVE of money is the root of all evil. (I Tim 6: 10)
In marriage money is germane to the maintenance of relationship, and equally is said to be the commonest cause for ending. (divorce)
Every couple can relate to an experience regarding money problems in one way or the other. If you have been married for any length of time you probably would have had first hand experience.
According to Jean Chatzky a financial editor of a money magazine: Couples fight more about money than about anything else: sex, in-laws, and religion.
Fifty-seven percent (57%) of divorced couples in the United States cited financial problems as the primary reason for the demise of their marriage according to a survey conducted by Citibank.
Couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances a few times a month. (Money magazine)
Of all these common things couples fight about, money disputes were the best predictor of divorce. For wives, disagreements over finances and sex were good predictors of divorce, but finance disputes were much stronger predictors. For husbands, financial disagreements were the only type of common disagreement that predicted whether they would get a divorce.
It is hard for a couple not to fight when there are money issues. When we struggle to pay bills its very stressful and that will often lead to having a short temper and just being irritable with the current economic climate.
Unfortunately it is causing a lot of problems with everyone. Some couples fight over how much a bill is this month and argue with each other as to who is supposedly responsible for generating such high bills. Sometimes the argument may be about one accusing the other of spending money excessively, irrelevantly or unnecessarily.
Money problem in marriage is not just about not having enough or having too much but it can also be from being different genders.
For example Men use money as a scorecard and can struggle with self-esteem when there are financial problems. Whereas Women tend to see money more as a security issue, so they will gravitate toward the rainy-day fund.
At another time it is about control in relationship , who wield the power. For some couples money is a direct expression of love and therefore if there is no money it tends to imply lack of love. At another time it is simply because of our different backgrounds . What ever the background if there is a problem we need to deal with it.
It is generally agreed by most expert that couples should talk about their financial situation on regular basis . Sincerity and openness is the key .Avoid deception. It is an evil and powerful bomb that it is capable of destroying any relationship. Hoarding money may be a direct expression from one spouse for not feeling safe with the spending habit of the other. That needs to be talked about not acted out.
Few tips to help:
1 Remain Connected–Even when you’re frustrated by your situation, you can still hold hands as you talk, take breaks to give each other massages, share a joke, and keep your connection alive in simple ways. You can help one another through this. Remember that what you have in common is bigger than the money in question.
2 Be Aware–If you seem to always fight about money, and especially if you don’t entirely know why, it may be a good idea to examine your history and your partner’s background and take a look at your ‘money issues’. Just being aware of whether you carry negative patterns from childhood, unrealistic expectations, or ‘hot buttons’ that keep getting pressed, can help you to deal with it.
3 Take a Break If You Need To–If things get too stressful, take a break and do something you both enjoy together, or take some time alone, and then come back after you both have a set of ‘fresh eyes’ and an extra dose of patience.
4 Generally, in a relationship each one has strengths and weaknesses — your frugality may help couples’ shopping smartly and help to get out of debt and vice versa.
5 Couples have to work together to get out of debt and build wealth so advised many experts on Money between couples. Couples should agree on their budget
6 Get Help If You Need It
If your money situation is quickly deteriorating and you don’t know how to make a plan that can save your finances, it may be a good idea to talk to a financial advisor together.
7 The last thing that couples want to do is micro-manage each other’s expenditures. That’s a sure road to disaster. But if you’re trying to stick to a budget, it’s really important that you discuss BIG expenses.
All said and done the greatest thing for us as Christian couples is to be aware of what is at stake. To us it is the marriage relationship. The first and highest institution that GOD established and He could only compare marriage with Christ and the church. If we love God as we profess to be then protecting and guarding and cherishing it will be our utmost goal even in the face of the most adverse financial difficulty. Let the love we have for God keep us to diligently search for solutions to the problem, patiently endure until we can overcome and ceaselessly pray until light shines through the dark tunnel of our financial situations.