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My Focus, Not Your Focus

Living in unison in marriage with the purpose of God in mind for man is not only a delight for God but also the society in which the family is seen as its microcosm. It takes understanding, perseverance and patience to achieve and sustain a peaceful home where with or without children the love of God abounds.

Societal influences and other life challenges sometimes take its toll but with a determined soul and the focus of God(Psalm 19:14), today's challenges and problems become tales for tomorrow.

Growing up in a middle size family where God was the focus, nothing was promised except the love of God but looking back at the days where we lacked many basic things, those things I regarded as basic then do not come close to what my children see as their lack. The focus is different but God remains constant.

Praying together(Matthew 18:19-20), sharing daily experiences at work or home, taking time out as a family among others is an important prerequisite for harmonious living in a Twenty-First Century Marriage. Have you ever wondered why some couples are unable to sustain their marriages for over ten years? Yes, I say ten years because with a recent report coming from an Africa country(Nigeria), there are over four thousand applications for divorce in the high court in the nation's capital this year alone and the year is just three months down the line. I was once the best man to a marriage that didn't last one year due to factors the couple deemed irreconcicialiable. Sad but that is the stack reality of how challenging the marriage institution can be. A maternal and child health professional from the University of Nebraska Medical Center, USA, Prof. Drissa Toure, blames broken homes as part of the root causes of some of the most prevalent societal ills.

Within the first ten years, things can happen a lot faster than expected. The real Him/Her surfaces. The dirtier of the two, the most ambitious or greedy, the very accomodating and the selfish, the lazy housekeeper and the lazy layabout that does nothing but eat, sleep and goes to work. All these factors determine whether the relationship will survive the trying period.

In this phase usually nine or ten years into a marriage many wives report that a few days apart from their partner feels like a welcome break.

Even if couples are determined to stay married, resentments are starting to build. Common flashpoints include money, career ambition, how to bring up children, external family and friends interference, mental or general wellbeing.

For many who are have been able to survive these flashpoints in their marriages and nudge on to the next ten or thirty years without a third party, there must be so many lessons and secrets learnt because the two have surely become ONE as God envisaged it to be(Genesis 2:24 ).

Although no family or relationship is without its challenges how have some been able to navigate the stormy waters while others have drowned even before they began? The Couples Koinonia

Conference 2020 beginning from June 26th -28th, will be hosting married couples with over thirty years of experience as speakers. It will not only be educative, eye-opening and interactive but also relaxing in a serene atmosphere devoid of distraction with tea breaks and fruits at intervals. For details on how to register visit:,

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